20 October 2007

Mikhail Gorbachev: Reformer, Statesman, Luggage Salesman

On opening my copy of the Economist this weekend, I happened upon the double-page advert for Louis Vuitton on the inside front cover. And there, promoting them was a man who looked awfully familiar. I happened to notice the mark on his forehead, and started thinking, "Is that...? Could that be...? Jesus H. Christ, it IS! Mikhail bleeding Gorbachev! Flogging bags!"

Mikhail Gorbachev! Is this what he's doing these days?

What next for him?

"Loans. I know nothing about loans, but I do know you should talk to experts - like Rachael at loans.co.uk! They can consolidate all loans into easy monthly repayment! Who knows, if they had been around in 1980s, perhaps perestroika would have worked!"

And what happens after that? Margaret Thatcher as a spokeswoman for Stannah Stairlifts?

George Bush Senior trying to sell the over 50s one of those godawful pension plans which involves telling pensioners that they're going to die, and asking them to hand over their benefit money in return for a cheap carriage clock which they would be able to use to watch the minutes tick away until the inevitable strikes, if it weren't for the fact that the clock is a piece of tat that will fall apart the minute you sneeze?

Jacques Chirac appearing on our television screens, greeting us with the phrase, " 'Allo, I am Jacques Chirac, and zis is Cillit Bang!"?

Gerhard Schröder asking us if we've been in an accident in the last three years?

John Prescott flogging Safestyle Windows?

Actually, I quite like the idea of the last one, but even so, it goes to prove that just when you think the world couldn't get any weirder, it finds a way.

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